Sofa, So Good

 One of the two sofas we purchased soon after we moved here is on its last legs, so to speak. The cushions need beating into submission at least once a day and even then they still look in a state of collapse. The cover (its second set since we bought the sofa) is looking decidedly ratty and tatty (thanks, Nell) and the whole structure is making ominous creaking noises. I’ve been having premonitions that it will crack any day soon and then we’ll be lumbered with a dead sofa and a wait of several weeks whilst a new sofa is purchased and then ‘delivered in time for Christmas’ as all the furniture adverts are promising at the moment. The matching sofa is still fine, but, as Lord Malarkey admits himself, that’s the sofa I sit on and I’m not a sofa flumper, sleeper and squirmer like he is. 

A decision was made, then, that we would buy a new sofa NOW and so off we went to the place where I bought the little sofa for ‘Darling Buds’ to see if, on an off chance, they had anything remotely suitable NOW. We measured the current sofa for comparison and decided on the non-negotiable sofa features which were a) a fixed cushioned back so I didn’t have to do any more cushion beating b) a higher back than the soon-to-be-ex-sofa and c) one that had good lumbar support for Lord M. 

The obvious place to go sofa hunting, for variety and choice, is DFS. But if you go to DFS you have to be prepared for a long innings and a bit of a fight. There’s no going into DFS, bouncing on a few sofas and saying, ‘I’ll have that one please.’ Oh no. You have to go through the whole rigamarole of choosing your fabric - leather, linen, chenille, velvet - and which of the 43 colour options you want. (Anything but grey, obviously.) And then there’s how you want your cushions stuffed. ‘Would that be foam, feathers or a combination, Madam? Would you like to specify percentages?’

And what feet would madam like? Pointy, round, curved? Steel or wood? Which kind of wood? Oak, ash, beech? And would you like a garnish of parsley or chives with all that? 

Then there’s the hard sell of anti-stain protection in case your cockapoo is prone to going wild with purple felt tip pens or glasses of red wine, insurance against fire, theft and weevil infestation, additional cushions in complementary colours (choice of 73) and fabrics (choice of 8 not including contrasting trims) and would you like a complementary footstool (with or without storage), coffee table, and then the delivery charges - next day, next week, sometime, never. 

It’s a faffy, time-consuming ordeal of a way to buy a sofa, going to DFS. And, quite frankly, neither of us has time nor patience for that shizzle any more. 

This afternoon, we wandered around this Aladdin’s cave of a furniture place for a brief while and then found ourselves upstairs where most of the sofas seemed to be located. Initially, they seemed mostly to be loose cushion, low-back ones and I commented that it was no wonder the population is full of back troubles because this is just the style of sofa that encourages slouching, lounging, spine collapse and sciatica. There were a few chesterfield-styles, which I quite like but they don’t offer much head support. There were some lovely colours going on and we considered a pair of velvet patchwork armchairs as a potential sofa alternative. 

But then we spied it. Well, Lord M spied it. I was testing a loose cushion sofa ‘just in case’ when I saw Lord M disappear across the room like a ferret after a rabbit. When I caught up with him he was ensconced very comfortably on a sofa and I knew then it was ‘The One’. I sat on it, then we measured it up and then we went and paid for it. Delivery next week. 

Now, if you’d told me this morning that we would be buying a brown leather electric recliner sofa with USB charging point, I would have laughed in your face at the sheer ludicrousness of the idea. Me, Lady Malarkey, buy something in brown leather with electrics attached to it? Me, the lover of velvet and jewel colours like purple, burgundy, dark blue and jade? 

But there you have it. This brown leather sofa is sooooo verrrrryyyyy comfortable. It is firm and supportive yet with just the right amount of squishy give. It will actively discourage any flumping and squirming from Lord M, and if he wants to go to sleep on it, he can activate the recliner. All cushions are fixed and ain’t going anywhere. It is a SOLID and heavy bit of furniture, and a bit of a bargain, too, given what one can pay for a leather sofa these days. 

I can cure the brownness by buying a luxurious and colourful throw. The leather will be easy to wipe clean if Nell covers it with footprints after a wet ‘n’ muddy walk so no more washing covers that are a) difficult to get off the sofa and b) even more difficult to wrestle back on. And it is being delivered next week for £25, well in time for Christmas! Therefore, all in all, I think we have made a good purchase. 

And what we liked best was that the whole episode, including travel, was an hour and half from start to finish. Such a relief! 

It looks a bit like this one. I should have taken a photo of the actual one, shouldn’t I? But one can be somewhat forgetful and reckless when in the buzz of sofa buying…